Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
