Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
