Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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