I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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