so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
