I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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