you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
