What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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