Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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