the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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