Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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