Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
