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Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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