Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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