I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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