i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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