omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
