That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
