I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
