I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
