i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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