I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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