so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
