Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
