omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
