I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
