I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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