so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
