Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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