In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
