If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
