I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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