He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
