The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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