He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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