I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
