He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
