just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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