I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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