I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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