Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize