Barsexuality is the new black.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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