You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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