i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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