Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
