Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
