Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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