drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
