Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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