Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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