You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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