omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
