rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry about my life...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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