I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
