I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
