dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
