I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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