I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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