Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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