your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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