I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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