I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
