Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
