remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
false alarm, still single
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
