Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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