dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize