well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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