If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize