I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
