WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
