Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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