I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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