youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize