Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
