I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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