Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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