: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
