I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
