'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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