She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
