What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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