I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
