im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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