speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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