they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
