I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
