I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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